Isn't this the truth!!!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn , you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someones Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail .
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

Do you really know how to forward e-mails?

Do you really know how to forward e-mails? This was written by a System Administrator for a corporate system. It is an excellent message that ABSOLUTELY applies to ALL of us who send e-mails. Please read the short letter below ..

Do you really know how to forward e-mails? 50% of us do; 50% DO NOT!

Do you wonder why you get viruses or excessive amounts of junk mail (Spam)? Do you hate it? Every time you forward an e-mail there is information left over from the people who received the message before you and sent it to you, namely their e-mail addresses and names. As the messages get forwarded along, the list of addresses builds, and builds, and builds. All it takes is for some poor sap to get a virus, and his or her computer can send that virus to every e-mail a ddress that has come across their computer. Or, someone can take all of those addresses and send junk mail to them or sell the addresses to spammers in the hope that you will go to the site and they will make five cents for each hit that they sell. That's right, all of that inconvenience over a nickel and because someone included visible e-mail addresses in their Forwarded message!

How do you stop it? Well, there are two easy steps:

1) When you Forward an e-mail, DELETE all of the other addresses that appear in the body of the message (at the top). That's right, DELETE them. Highlight them and delete them or backspace them or cut them -- whatever it is that you know how to do. (If you don't know how to perform at least one of these simple operations... LEARN!) It only takes a second. You MUST click the "Forward" button first though; then you will have full Editing capabilities for the body and headers of the message. If you don't click on "Forward" first, you won't be able to Edit the message at all.

(I find this a great time to correct spelling and remove, those pesky "send this to 10 friends and your wish will come true" false promises. If the message is very messy, drop it into Word or WordPad/Notepad or whatever word processor you use. Editing within a word processing program is much easier than performing editing operations within the body of an e-mail message.)

(2) Whenever you send an e-mail to more than one person, DO NOT use the To:’or Cc: options for adding e-mail addresses. Always use the BCC: (Blind Carbon Copy) option for listing the e-mail addresses of the folks you want to send the message to. This way the people you send to only see their own e-mail address and no one else's. If you don't see your BCC: option, click on where it says To: and your address list will appear. Highlight the address and choose BCC: and that's it. It's that easy!!!

When you send to BCC: (and leave the T o: line blank) your message will automatically say "Undisclosed Recipients" in the "To:" field of the people who receive it, providing extra security and privacy to all the people in your Address Book.

(3) Remove any "FW:" in the subject line. You can re-name the subject if you wish or even correct spelling.

(4) ALWAYS hit your Forward button from the actual e-mail you are reading. Ever get those e-mails that you have to open 10 or 15 or 20 FW: pages to read the one page with the information on it? By Forwarding from the actual final page you wish someone to view, prevent their having to open multiple e-mails just to see what you sent. (Many people will not open all those emails for fear of getting a virus; so your message may go unread.)

Have you ever received an email that is a petition? It states a position and asks you to add your name and address and to Forward it to a number of people or your entire Address Book. The email can be Forward ed on and on and can collect thousands of names and email addresses.

FACT: The completed petition is actually worth a couple of bucks to a professional spammer because of the wealth of valid names and email addresses contained therein. If you want to support the petition, send it as your own personal letter to the intended recipient(s). Your position may carry more weight as a personal letter than a laundry list of names and email address on a petition - and, again, you will protect the privacy of those in your Address Book and provide them additional security against viruses and spammers.

Regarding petitions: Be aware, that the government (federal, state, and local) and most legitimate organizations completely disregard email petitions. In order for a petition to have value and be acted upon, it is necessary to have LIVE, verifiable signatures, usually with the signer’s legitimate mailing address.

So please, in the future, let's stop the junk mail and the viruses by working together and respecting the privacy and security of one another.

Finally, here's an idea!!!
Let's send this to everyone we know (but PLEASE strip my address out first).
This is something that SHOULD be forwarded.

STR

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:

During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital and had passed away at 6:00 p.m. She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.

It only takes a minute to read this...
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within three (3) hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.


RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the "3" steps, STR . Read and Learn!


Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.


Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:


S = Ask the individual to SMILE.


T = Ask the person to TALK to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE

(Coherently) (i.e.. It is sunny out today)



R = Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.


{NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue... if the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke}



If the person has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

CRUISE CONTROL

NEVER KNEW THIS BEFORE.

I wonder how many people know about this?

A 36 year old female had an accident several
weeks ago and totaled her car.

A resident of Kilgore, Texas, she was traveling
between Gladewater and Kilgore. It was raining,
though not excessively, when her car suddenly
began to hydroplane and literally flew through
the air. She was not seriously injured but very
stunned at the sudden occurrence!

When she explained to the highway patrolman
what had happened he told her something that
every driver should know - NEVER DRIVE IN
THE RAIN WITH YOUR CRUISE CONTROL
ON.



She had thought she was being cautious
by
setting the cruise control and
maintaining a safe
consistent speed in the rain.

But the highway patrolman told her that
if the
cruise control is on and your car begins
to
hydroplane when your tires lose contact
with the
pavement, your car will accelerate to a
higher
rate of speed and you take off like an
airplane.



She told the patrolman that was exactly
what
had occurred.

The highway patrol estimated her car was

actually traveling through the air at 10
to 15
miles per hour faster than the speed set
on the
cruise control.

The patrolman said this warning should
be
listed, on the driver's seat sun-visor -
NEVER
USE THE CRUISE CONTROL WHEN THE
PAVEMENT IS WET OR ICY, along with the
airbag warning.



We tell our teenagers to set the cruise
control
and drive a safe speed - but we don't
tell them to
use the cruise control only when the
pavement
is dry.

The only person the accident victim
found, who
knew this (besides the patrolman), was a
man
who had had a similar accident, totaled
his car
and sustained severe injuries.

If you send this to 15 people and only
one of
them doesn't know about this, then it
was all worth it. You might have saved a life.

Carjacking Scheme

You may have read/heard this before .... it's a good reminder
Serious item, from Illinois State Patrol
Neat, but devious concept....
Subject: FW: new car jacking scheme
Check this out!! Makes you think!!!
Holiday shopping is around the corner!!!!

ILLINOIS STATE POLICE WARNING

Please pass this along to others and beware.
CAR-JACKING NEW SCHEME

Be aware of a new car-jacking scheme. Imagine that you walk across
the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. Then you lock all your
doors, start the engine and shift the car into REVERSE. You look in
the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space and you notice a
piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window.

So, you shift into PARK, unlock your doors and jump out of your car
to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view.
When you reach the back of your car, that is when the car-jackers
appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off!!

Your engine was running, (ladies would have their purse in the car) and
they practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.

BE AWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED against
unsuspecting people. It happens VERY FAST!


REMEMBER THIS: If you see something in your rear window obstructing
your view AFTER YOU ARE ALREADY IN YOUR CAR, drive away
immediately and remove the paper or obstruction that is stuck to your
window LATER, and be thankful that you read this e-mail.

I hope you will forward this to friends and family...especially to
women! A purse contains all identification, and you certainly do NOT want
someone getting your home address. They already HAVE your keys!

This scheme has been reported! to have occurred in the states of!
Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky and Michigan. It is certain to spread
quickly. We are asking that residents of major cities within these states be
mindful and alert to these tactics when traveling.

Abduction Precautions for Women

Refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation...This is
for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you
know.

After reading this, forward it to someone you care about. It never hurts
to
be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If
you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans. If a robber asks for
your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from
you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse
than you, and he
will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail
lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The
driver
won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating,
working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.
DON'T
DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect
opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head,
and tell
you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking
garage:

A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side
floor, and in the back seat.

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger
door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their
vans
while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the
passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you
may
want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk
you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than
dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are
horrible
places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS
RUN!
The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even
then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP. It may get you
raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well
educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He
walked
with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with
his
vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a
crying
baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because
it
was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you do,
DO NOT open the door."

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a
window,
and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The
policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT
open
the door." He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry
recorded, and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone
dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several
calls by
women saying that they hear baby crying outside their doors, when they're
home alone at night.

Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby. This
e-mail
should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was
mentioned on America's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the
serial
killer in Louisiana.

I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a
life.
A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this
to
the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters,
daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the
world
we live in has a lot of crazies in it, and it's better to be safe than
sorry.

Bounce

And all this time I've just been putting Bounce in the dryer.

1. It will chase ants away when you lay a sheet near them.
2. It takes the odor out of books and photo albums that don't get
opened too often.
3. Repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop
when outdoors during mosquito season.
4. Eliminates static electricity from your television screen.
Since Bounce is designed to help eliminate static cling, wipe your
television screen with a used sheet of Bounce to keep dust from
resettling.
5. Dissolve soap scum from shower doors. Clean with a sheet of
Bounce.
6. Freshen the air in your home. Place an individual sheet of
Bounce in a drawer or hang in the closet.
7. Prevent thread from tangling. Run a threaded needle through
sheet of Bounce before beginning to sew.
8. Prevent musty suitcases. Place a singlel sheet of Bounce inside
empty luggage before storing.
9. Freshen the! air in your car. Place a sheet of Bounce under the
front seat.
10. Clean baked-on foods from a cooking pan. Put a sheet in a pan,
fill with water, let sit overnight, and sponge clean. The anti-
static
agent apparently weakens the bond between the food.
11. Eliminate odors in wastebaskets. Place a sheet of Bounce at
the bottom of the wastebasket.
12. Collect cat hair. Rubbing the area with a sheet of Bounce will
magnetically attract all the loose hairs.
13. Eliminate static electricity from venetian blinds. Wipe the
blinds with a sheet of Bounce to prevent dust from resettling.
14. Wipe up sawdust from drilling or sand papering. A used sheet
of Bounce will collect sawdust like a tack cloth.
15. Eliminate odors in dirty laundry. Place an individual sheet of
Bounce at the bottom of a laundry bag or hamper.
16. Deodorize shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet of Bounce in your
shoes or sneakers overnight.
17. Golfers ! put a Bounce sheet in their back pocket to keep the
bees away.